Oblivion
by Tyraelproject
Summary: Somewhere within the darkness.. will there ever be light?


Oblivion ========= One shot.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.. *whimper* Darnit..  
  
How long has it been since the door has been shut? Was there ever any door to begin with..? Maybe years. This place seems to swallow even time. It's not even a place either. There is no directions, no gravity, no feeling. It's cold but not in the way you generally think about. It's cold because the darkness dampens the light of your heart, and I have none to begin with. It doesn't make me a target.. light only attracts them. I can't hear anything. How does oblivion smell..? There is no air or light or hope. The heartless are here, but they don't need to take form. They are always around, their darkness beating across my mind like birds. Lonely and crying out in the night. And I am just like them. I betrayed my best friend. I turned against him when he most needed help. I deserve to be here. I just wish I could forget her face. Sometimes it's easier.. I feel my mind drifting away into the darkness, the shredded remains of my heart silent.  
  
When I come back to this place.. to the darkness her face returns, haunting me with a smile that she only smiled for me. Just for me. Sometimes when I see her smile in my mind, it makes me want to move. To thrash, screaming and flailing at the darkness to claw it away.. which must, admittedly be a funny picture if anyone could see me. If I could see myself floating in the darkness, flailing like a madman sometimes. Fighting to escape the dark. Eventually though.. the madness always leaves me. I'm not exactly glad, but.. I'm not sad here. I'm not.. anything here. I think emotions are something reserved for beings with a heart. But then again.. how does one explain Sora? The name sears through my mind, make it stop! Sora.. his stupid, pathetic friends. Why.. how dare he replace me?! Everything I did was for her and she spit in my face! Sora hates me. Kairi loves Sora. I hate me.. I'm so sorry.. go away.. Please.. It's usually at this point that my mind slips away again. I don't know if it's just me going mad in these times or if I am simply mad already and escaping the only way I can from the hurt. By digging deeper into my insanity.  
  
I know that time passes during these times, but I have forgotten what time is. I have forgotten how it is that a heartless can survive as cheerfully as S.. as he manages to. A heartless with a heart of gold. How ironic. This time something has been brought back from my excursion into madness. Proving that somehow I draw others into this endless dark, for I cannot imagine anything beyond it. This is my private slice of hell because I cannot fully become darkness itself. Ansem wished to unleash the darkness of all hearts on the world. I wish I could be that darkness. The all consuming blanket of night that shrouds all things, even the brightest lights. If I could, I would no longer be human. I would no longer understand the images that constantly beat the inside of my head. I would be happy. Because I would not care that she does not love me. That I cannot make her love me, because of the pieces of my heart the heartless did not consume. That would hurt her, to take her away from Sora. Sora.. the keyblade master. Sora.. the hero and champion. Her perfect knight. I would never hurt her. That is my dilemma. My penance I suppose.. the reason why I have fought. Why I have bled black blood to retain the last shreds of my heart. Why I am still her knight even if she never again looks my way. Abandons me, crushes me.. I will never hurt her. My soul is shredded and lay in tatters. My heart lay cracked open at her feet, spilling black blood onto the sand but it is imprinted upon every fiber of my human being.  
  
If I was no longer human, I would not care about hurting her. She would only be a glimmering bright star to me. A king's feast of warmth and purity as I ripped her glowing heart from her trembling body. No. I cannot permit myself to do that. Some images will remain only nightmares... although I don't dream anymore. Or perhaps.. I do not wake. The pulse of the shard in the darkness breaks into my thoughts. No. Erases them. Do that again, I plead.. when it does I nearly startle from the shock of it. A warm, courageous light flooding my senses. It's a most exquisite pain to experience. Unlike the slow, throbbing burn in the hollow.. in the ragged, vaguely heart shaped hole in my chest I have explored endlessly with my fingers long before they turned into claws. Over where the shreds of my heart remain. The light burns into the very back of my mind, a current of warmth flowing through me to the very bottom of my feet. Which are clawed, I notice on the next jolt of burning light. Light that pools within the gaping hole inside me. Smooth, hairless, unbroken black skin all around me. I wonder if I have jagged antennae on my head. If my head is mostly taken up by giant yellow eyes. My oversized claws tighten around the pulsing shard.. the light I now recognize as a long forgotten hue of red. Red.. like the time Wakka got so sunburned he simply lay there on the inside of the hut, groaning in pain for the entire day. Red like the fruits of Destiny island I used to pick for Kairi. Red like the blood that I spilt fighting Sora inside of Monstro. In Hollow Bastion. At the End of the World.  
  
I don't like this color.. it makes me feel. It makes me remember. It pulls me away from my solace in the darkness! Whatever you are, go away. Never bother me again. I would scream if I had a mouth. Throwing it as far away from me as I can. The bright red light shoots through the darkness. Instantaneously, a jolt of pain shoots through me. My hands, oversized claws burned into my memory by the painful flashes start to ache. Seeking the touch of that horrible fragment. I would scream if I had a mouth, hunger overwhelming me. I thrash and claw at the darkness, clawing my way towards the faint light in oblivion. I panic when it goes out, consumed by the dark. Despair and desperate hunger fight for my attention, and madness just sits back and laughs at my pitiful situation. That the great former keyblade master is scrounging pathetically for a bit of food. I fight against the darkness, thrashing and kicking. Finding my hands wrapped around the shard again. I curl around it protectively, bringing it close. It starts to pulse again, much like a heart should. I'm not going to let it go this time. Nothing will pry my claws away, not even my own insane impulses.  
  
I fail to notice, drifting in endless night that the shard is gradually growing smaller with each pulse of painful light. I think I feel my spine twisting. I hear the sound of my bones inside this shell of black skin starting to grow. I think I heard somewhere that pain was a sign that you were still alive. This is almost a depressing point, because I seem to be very healthy. At least it's something. Some wonderful sensation lit by the dimming strobes of light. The shard does something else that I don't notice. Too caught up in lengthening arms and shortening claws. The shard starting to replace a little piece of my heart that was lost when time still had meaning. Repairing it. Had I known how much this shard was to cost me.. how much pain it was to bring me as it pried me farther away from the dark. I would have let it stay gone. But.. I have not been the most foregoing of thinkers. I think I feel my mind slipping away again.. thankfully.. peacefully I watch the last sparkles of red give a final flicker, Kairi's smile as she sat on the beach. Dipping her toes in the ocean. Yes.. that images stays with me as I slip away, back into oblivion. Now.. if only I could stay there forever. 


End file.
